you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
