Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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