i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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