glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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