I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
