The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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