I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
