you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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