That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
