You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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