didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
