they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
