Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
