Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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