Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it's like iHOP with fire
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
