I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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