She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
