Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
