oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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