If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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