Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
