I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
