I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
