Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
