ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
