I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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