You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
