Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
