I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
