If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
