I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
