Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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