Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
do herpes really smell.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
