he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Mom said you looked used
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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