turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
