Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
