I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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