"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
