Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
