I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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