if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
