my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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