Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Mom said you looked used
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
