When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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