Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And then he peed in my hair
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