She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
