If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
