My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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