I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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