nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
